You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
