I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
