I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
