No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
