you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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