We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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