I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
