i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
never play flip cup with pint glasses
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize