My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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