I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
