I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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