omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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