No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize