Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
