it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
