So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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