dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
