his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
