yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We smell like vodka and hangover
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