ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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