I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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