So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
