we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
