Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
