So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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