My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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