I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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