she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
