I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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