I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
