Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
