mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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