I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
