I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
