you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
