Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
