Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
