I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
