Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
