did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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