Pappa wants mamma naked
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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