Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
