"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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