life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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