I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I die, sorry about rent.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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