i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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