sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the condom got lost in my hair
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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