he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
