I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry my hands just texted you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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