I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize