my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
