well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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