Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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