I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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