A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
