So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize