Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
