she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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