i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
