Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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