No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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