Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
