Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
