his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize