No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
