I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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