I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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