We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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