you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
