Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
