I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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