She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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