i think my tv is drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
