i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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