Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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