you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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