I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
