Pants 0. Shit 1.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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