So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
