So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
