I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
