God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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