well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
