I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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