Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
